Carried on Her Back
by Project Hypocrisy
Summary: Written on Her Back: Part II. Helena decides to live the rest of her life with her sister, Kathe and her brother-in-law, Jofrey. Daily, she grapples with the choices she has made in the past, and now must face the scars left to her during the time she spent in the Lifestream. To make matters worse, a haunting figure has crept into her dreams, yet again. On a hiatus.
1. Chapter 1: Lost is my Homecoming

**Carried on Her Back**

**Summary: **The continuation of Written on Her Back. Helena decides to live the rest of her life with her sister, Kathe and her brother-in-law, Jofrey. A new threat drudges up past memories better forgotten. Daily, she grapples with the choices she has made in the past, and now must come face to face with the scars left to her during the time she spent in the Lifestream. To make matters worse, a haunting figure has crept into her dreams, yet again.

* * *

_Chapter One:_

_Ὤλετο μέν μοι νόστος (Aleto men moi nostos)_

_ (Lost is my Homecoming)_

I was never one to make a speech. As much as I could live alone, I was never one to make a life for myself either. I cleared my throat for the umpteenth time, imagining the gathering in front of me and the words echoing out of my mouth. I hated situations that placed me in front of people. Even the countless meetings and presentations I was forced to partake in could not shake the sense of being dissected in their minds and found out as a fraud.

"Ready?" It was one of Jofrey's kindly cousins, peering around the door.

I smiled, a thumb nail in my mouth. "I guess," I muttered.

"You'll do great," She pressed, ushering me out the doorway. I didn't expect a slew of eyes to be directed my way as soon as I joined the party. I had slipped out from the general gathering quietly just so that I could re-enter, slip and sit beside my sister (her only relative) without what was currently occurring.

I took a deep breath, "Hi," I peeped, waving gently.

Kathe smiled, her head nudging me up to the microphone. I hesitantly took to the stand, scanning the room of highly unfamiliar faces, most of which were introduced to me like in an assembly line. They were all Jofrey's cousins, aunts, uncles; greats and less greats. We were introduced to his brothers and sister some time ago, shortly after their engagement. We spent time in Junon, even visited our old elementary school, in his sister's home and were introduced to his two brothers, even the less favorite of the two. He promised to attend the wedding, despite losing contact with Jofrey since, and here he was. Families, right?

I pulled up my paper and placed my lips as close to the microphone as I could and squeaked "Hi everyone." I realized how screechy my voice sounded and nervously coughed it out. I looked over to the bride and groom, the bride being the nag that made sure I wouldn't screw this up (talk about bridezilla) smiled gently. "Well, I'll keep this short," As short as the bride made sure I kept it. "My sister and I, as you probably noticed, we don't have much family left. We only have each other. When she told me she was going to marry Jofrey, at first I was a little… apprehensive." Chuckles erupted in the hall. I looked over to Jofrey and watched as he gave sideways glances to his siblings. "But I trusted her to make the right choice for herself, because I knew how much she placed family above all else. Kathe," I slightly turned to her, "You have done so much for me, the least I can do for you now is accept this… dog into our family." Again, chuckles arose. "I wish you both the best. And Jofrey, I know you'll be the greatest addition to our family yet."

Champagne glasses rose and clunked in the air. I watched as the bride and groom shared their second kiss of their marriage. I took my seat beside the bride, swigging down the champagne served in my little flute glass. I never realized Jofrey would be the glue that would tie Kathe and I together again. After the Meteorfall, I highly doubted that I would land myself between them, a fate that would remind me too much of the time I spent in the Lifestream. But, somehow, I knew I couldn't be anywhere else. I had nowhere else to go, no one else to be with; the hollowness of being alone in a small bachelor in a dead city again made my insides convulse.

The party was in full swing. Kathe's face was timeless. She was truly fulfilled. I knew I had to make this work for her, and somehow we made it happen. Jofrey was apprehensive about the disproportionate amounts of family members that would attend for each side, but for Kathelyn, it didn't seem to matter much. As she danced with her new found husband, she would shoot sideways glances making certain I was close beside her. It was suffocating, at times.

I took a moment to slip out from the side, the cool night air wafting through the stifling folds of my organza dress. I was certain that I was chafing at the hip but it was the dress Kathe wanted to see me in. I had gained a significant amount of weight since the whirlwind adventure we were thrust in, which made me look more and more like the individual I was prior to my institutionalization, committed by Hojo. I hated the dress but I was there to please.

I leaned over the side railing, unsure of what I was doing. I rummaged through my little handbag, the one Kathe begged me to pair with the awful dress she had me wear, to find a small pack of cigarettes. I dug into the pack and found a lighter locked away between the tightly packed cigarettes. I had recently broken this pack open and was looking at my third cigarette since my roaring twenties, which saw a majority of smoking and drinking and drug taking of all sorts. I found myself at the small shop two days ago, buying some mixers for our late bachelorette party and found myself scanning the cigarette wall. I picked the pack the most familiar to me, the same smoking fuel my father would carry around in his pocket despite the fact that he rolled his own cigarettes every evening. I pulled one out, placed it to my lips and light it, instinctively, inhaling the fumes quickly before my moment was dashed.

As if having a target on my back, a finger came and poked twice. I turned around, certain it was Kathe with a disappointed snarl across her expertly painted face but I was rather surprise to find that it wasn't Kathe at all. No, it was rather someone I never expected to see again. My jaw dropped slightly, my cigarette lingering in the corner of my mouth.

"Hello, Helena. It's nice seeing you again." He was perfectly coiffed, just as how I remembered him holding himself.

"Kathelyn invited you?" I was shocked, to say in the least. Did Kathelyn invite him? Why?

He shook his head, and laughed, "No, no. Jofrey's father did. We're related in some convoluted way. Cousin's cousin, or something."

"Small world." I muttered.

"It is." He leaned into the railing, "I was very surprised to hear that Jofrey Tacito was marrying Kathelyn Provost."

I turned around, leaning over the railing with him. We decided to have the wedding reception in this particular hall for its beautiful view. It was one of the rare Shin Ra halls not destroyed by the WEAPON attack. The hall overlooked the ocean on one end and the grassy plains the other. The night was clear and the ocean unfolded to behold. It wasn't as I had imagined it. As pristine as I had memorized it to be. A heavy fog hung in the horizon and the water did not reflect the stars as I had hoped. A disappointment hung in my gut, like a poorly oiled crank turning, a feeling I had for so long become far too familiar with.

"So, why did you come?"

He looked at me, smiling; I could see him in the corner of my eye. "I thought you may be interested in a job." He stood up and fetched a small business card from his coat pocket, slipping it into my hand. Without a skip to his beat, he continued, "I represent an organization you have recently sent an application to. The W.R.O. is currently looking for driven individuals, such as yourself, for position more worthy of their talent than… counselling services."

I snorted, "What's wrong with being a counsellor?"

"Absolutely nothing. But let's be honest; you'll be bored out of your mind in Mideel… counselling those who suffered from the WEAPON attack there. Not to say it isn't a fulfilling job, but you're from Shin Ra."

"Well, I'll have you know that I'm gainfully employed by the electric company there."

"And," He pressed. I didn't say anything. The man was probably working with a whole bunch of "driven" Shin Ra executives who saved themselves prior to Meteorfall and who were "gainfully" employed elsewhere for some time. As time passed, they knew, no one else could understand them: their co-workers, their superiors… Not until he came along, with a promise of reshaping the world: the possibility of repaying the world for what we had all done in the parts that we had all played.

"What are we talking about here?" I indulged him.

His interest piqued, "I'm gathering people, scientists mostly, who can help figure out exactly what's occurring out in Edge."

"You mean the Geostigma."

"Yes."

"That will mean I have to relocate to Edge." I noticed my cigarette in my hand, a limp burnt out bud by this point. Fuck.

"We will be paying for all of that."

"Reeve," The man looked up, "As much as I'm honoured that you think I can help any, I can't."

He chuckled, "So you've finally decided to get away from all of it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" All of it sounded like babble.

"I remember a very frustrated girl tearing out of a board meeting one day." He smiled, shuffling around in the coat that was hanging over his arm. "She told me: I'll get away from all of this. At first I thought it was you're rebellious age, I mean, what you were twenty-one by that time? But the more and more I realized what world I live in, the more I realized I wanted nothing more than to go with you." He handed me a small white envelope. "Now you have the opportunity to do what you will. I suggest not living for anyone else. Not again."

I took the envelope and watched the man walk away. My hand already scavenging for another cigarette. Was I about to let another Shin Ra employee tell me what to do? And Reeve, of all people? The man whom had the least connection to my line of work? It was true though; my life was like a revolving door for whomever wanted to take place at the head of the table as director. I knew Kathelyn would never steer me wrong… Well, not again. I suppose what frightened me, however, was my past choices and their inevitable effect on my future.

* * *

Welcome to part 2! I had to increase the rating on this puppy due to some scenes that are inevitable and merit an M. I hope you guys enjoyed part 1 and won't be disappointed with the sequel.


	2. Chapter 2: It's Dark Inside

**Carried on Her Back**

**Summary: **The continuation of Written on Her Back. Helena decides to live the rest of her life with her sister, Kathe and her brother-in-law, Jofrey. A new threat drudges up past memories better forgotten. Daily, she grapples with the choices she has made in the past, and now must come face to face with the scars left to her during the time she spent in the Lifestream. To make matters worse, a haunting figure has crept into her dreams, yet again.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**It's Dark Inside**

My life had quickly entered a routine of rushed breakfasts and late bus rides to a place I vaguely felt akin to. Rarely did I ever become aware of my new life. But at times, my breath would shallow and my eyes would water, flashes of a life once lived suddenly would rush in reminding me that this new life of mine was not mine at all to live. Kathelyn and Jofrey were increasingly impressed with the way I injected myself into this new life, but neither of them truly knew the haunting displeasure I experienced at my desk or tucked away in my bed, alone. This, however, did not spur me to seek some psychological advice. More terrifying moments brought on by a tired psyche told me to seek the only psychiatrist in town.

Dr. Comhghan was a kind woman in her late forties who had been a resident of Mideel since her early childhood. She was swamped with clients, mostly clients that emerged from the Lifestream after the WEAPON attack, but had decided to accept me as a patient after the initial consultation with her psychiatric nurse. At first, I was apprehensive. I did not know to what extent I could tell her. My convoluted history involved a great deal of Shin Ra secrets upheld by the W.R.O. and slowly being let out as they sought fit. But what was more than that was the level of believability: I mean, I didn't even believe myself at times. Despite all that, Comhghan was accepting of my words and allowed me the space I desperately needed. Soon, she became an aspect of my life, I slowly accepted. And as diagnosis, after diagnosis rolled in (some old, some new), those became a part of me as well.

I lost myself mostly in my work. Jofrey had initially found me work as an organizational psychologist, which I quickly traded for another. I was tired of my line of work and I wasn't prepared to work with people on an ongoing basis, so they tried me out as a manager of their South tower. I had little to no experience in electrical systems but I learned quickly, mostly on the job but also from their after hour training programs. I eagerly awaited "quitting time" to head down to their training building and literally go back to school. I suppose it was a chance to reinvent myself, something I had anticipated for so long. Despite all of my excitement over it, I felt as though a part of me resisted the change and slowly began to manifest itself into…

"Visions."

"Visions?" The psychiatric nurse asked, a confused look on her face. "You mean: hallucinations."

Those were her words not mine, and I much rather not using anything close to a diagnostic term for fear of the consequences. I had only seen Dr. Comhghan twice by that point but the nurse was quite disturbed by the change off events that she scheduled me for another appointment that morning. I reluctantly took the morning off, something I hadn't done since I started working at the Mideel Electric Field Inc. Dr. Comhghan allowed me to explain my situation.

"At first they were dreams. Frequent dreams." Something I was used to, something I had experienced before. But I wasn't about to tell her that.

"About the kidnapping?" She asked, searching through her notes. I had mentioned the kidnapping. I had to tell someone. My sister acted like nothing had occurred, as much as I denied myself the opportunity to discuss the matter with her. But I didn't want her reliving it, not with the baby on the way. Not so that I couldn't escape it.

"I don't know. They would make me wake up at night." Like an old security blanket. Perhaps his malignance hung around me, despite his death? I feared I would never be rid of him.

"Night terrors." She put a word to the experience; how I love her for that. "For someone who has experienced trauma, it's quite normal to experience terrors at night. Though, that doesn't make it all the more troublesome."

"But it doesn't stop there." I looked out her window, it was raining now. How strange. "I see him."

There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again, "You're kidnapper?"

"In the corner of my eye on the bus platform. Sometimes I'll watch him for twenty, twenty-five minutes before I realized that I'm hallucinating. He's dead. But then he comes, at night. As shadows. I can't shower with the curtain closed anymore." I looked to my hands and collapsed, crying frantically. Through my hacks and hiccups, I managed to mutter, "I sleep with a gun now."

There was a scratching of a pen to paper before she gently handed me a tissue, the softness pressing against my forehead. I did not move but took the tissue into my hands and began wiping at my sticky face. I lost my breath for a moment as a vision of Rayleigh snuck in before I blinked her into oblivion.

"Do you object to some more long-term care options?"

I sobered suddenly. "Long-term?"

"You mentioned of a previous diagnosis," She looked at her papers before continuing, "Borderline Personality?" I nodded.

"I'm not going back to a hospital."

She chuckled, "I know. I would much rather you develop autonomy than bouncing in and out of hospitals. But, consider perhaps daily therapy sessions and a long-term medication plan that we would both manage." She waited for an answered but it was clear that I wasn't prepared to give one. As nice as it sounded in her mouth, I did not know her. Even the nicest of psychiatrists ended up locking me away.

"As long as it won't interfere with my work, I don't see how I can object."

She nodded tentatively, a certain weight was placed in her scripting of my first prescription. She handed me the small vanilla-coloured paper and instructed me to hand it to the pharmacist. I read the name, decoding the languid writing; it was a medication I had not tried before as I had told her of every medication I had tried previously or abused in greater quantities. She instructed me of its use, to be taken two hours before bed and that it would cause some somnolence, though that would have been a great thing in my case. I asked her if it was an antipsychotic. She disclosed that indeed it was.

"You'll see," She promised, "It'll get better."

"I'm not crazy." I urged, "I just… Feel that way."

She patted me on the shoulder, something I had not seen coming and flinched at the touch. I found myself hypersensitive even to Kathelyn, who was becoming more and more touchy-feely as she progressed through her pregnancy, but I found myself seeing glimpses of leather gloved hands jumping at me. Perhaps the medication was worth it.

I came into work and found myself not having to explain myself to anyone, which was refreshing. It was acceptable enough that my appointment had taken longer than I had expected. Though, I imagined Lisa, the head secretary, was plotting to oust me. The shifty-eyed blond was definitely into the whole office gossip ordeal that I found absolutely dreadful, regardless of the incredible filth that was being spewed out of that woman's mouth. She reminded me of Lazard's ongoing secretary who would always have heat seeking missiles out for any SOLDIER meat that tried to slip by her way. She would catch me and other female scientists working under Shin Ra but contracted out to SOLDIER sneaking into Lazard's office from time to time. We would be trying to escape her nastiness but instead had the entire dilemma developed into the most ridiculous office drama even Lazard had some fun with it. He may have gotten an official fuck-buddy out of it, I don't remember.

It felt strange to be in charge of something I had a vague understanding of. I was in charge of the Labour Division in the South Tower, the highest function of the three hydro towers built after Mideel was leveled by WEAPON. After the towers were built, a town soon followed. We had run the town dry in terms of workers and set our sights for Edge and Kalm. It was amazing to be a part of a movement I would have never had the foresight to have seen develop. The way we despite the crumbling world around us, found the strength to continue, found the ingenuity to live on, was beyond me. I spent the rest of my evening in silence, looking at candidates for our engineering department, wondering where they were now.

I took the first bus home, deciding to take my course another night. Jofrey had went home earlier, Kathe had had some Braxton-Hicks contractions and went in to confirm her self-diagnosis. Kathe made a killing as a doctor, despite her lack of credentials, but when the world has as many dying people as it does and you have a fully developed understanding of the human anatomy, you better believe they'll make room for you. And now that she was pregnant, this well-developed knowledge was directed to the unborn child she carried, twenty-four-seven. No kid had a fit uterus, it's true.

I dropped off my prescription and walked home, deciding to take advantage of the fresh evening. The streetlights turned on some time ago, lighting the cobble pathway home. Our two-storey home, complete with a small manicured front lawn and a lovely backyard that lead into the forested area of Mideel, stood first on the street. It was well-surrounded by cautious and delightful neighbours, something I was not prepared to face. The house was empty, as I suspected. The one lamp in the sitting room was left on, illuminating the hall to the kitchen. I dropped my keys into the decorative porcelain bowl, wondering where Kathelyn got the idea to get a bowl for the small table in the entrance. I slowly turned my attention upwards to the mirror, normally reflecting the hallway and stairwell behind me. Instead, I was met with an old friend.

"Did you tell them?"

"Tell them what?" I calmly responded.

"That you chose me."

I woke with a start. The doors downstairs were opening and closing. It took me several breaths before I realized what had occurred: I was dreaming. I had taken my medication, and as predicated by my psychiatrist, passed out on my bed without the sheet so much as turned down. Kathe and Jofrey's return had woken me up from my sweaty sleep, my hair plastered hard around my crown. I slipped out of bed and met the couple as they were entering their room, trying to be as silent as possible as they had seen all the lights remained off.

"Everything ok?" I asked. "Didn't get a text."

Kathe smiled. "Absolutely. We were on our way home and decided to stop for some ice cream. Totally forgot about texting. Sorry."

I nodded. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Kathe's face sullied. "We didn't mean to, Helena. And it was exactly what Jofrey told you it was before we got into seeing the OBGYN." She looked over to Jofrey who had abandoned yet another argument and lead the way into the bedroom.

"Fine." I pouted. I slipped back into my room, closing the door hard but without slamming it; something my mother abhorred.

I shimmied my way into my bed, twisting the blankets around me. I watched as their lights from the crack in my door faded out as they closed lamp after lamp. Quiet murmuring was heard until the rustling stopped. Finally, silence. I leaned out of my bed and looked through my nightstand's drawer to find my gun in its holster and placed it by my bedside. I closed my eyes, hand on the gun. I feared the more I pushed them away, the more I was feeding into his uncanny predication: I didn't belong here. I didn't belong anywhere.

* * *

A slow start for now.


	3. Chapter 3: Be my Friend

**Carried on Her Back**

**Summary: **The continuation of Written on Her Back. Helena decides to live the rest of her life with her sister, Kathe and her brother-in-law, Jofrey. A new threat drudges up past memories better forgotten. Daily, she grapples with the choices she has made in the past, and now must come face to face with the scars left to her during the time she spent in the Lifestream. To make matters worse, a haunting figure has crept into her dreams, yet again.

Warning: Mention of a non-con situation. Pretty tame... for now.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Be My Friend**

I faintly remembered a time when I could stand on the ledge of a balcony, overtaken by the sprawling city before me, and the nihilistic sensation would take over. It seemed like a century ago. I seemed to have suppressed a great deal of my past within the monotony of my day-to-day or perhaps I had decided to depart from the past that had weighed on me for so long, a past that did little to serve me now. The days leading up to the moment I bought my gun at the pawn shop, trading it for my necklace I once held so dear, I came to the slow realization that Genesis and Angeal had died and I was the only one that mourned them as I did, a loss that plagued me in a very subtle way. I abandoned them as they had abandoned me for a life of strife that led to their death. Somehow, I feared I would lead my life down a similar path. Perhaps that's what had spurred me to take Kathe's request, what kept me going across the world with her as opposed to falling to victim to my crumbling subconscious poisoned by a foreign entity. What made me want to protect her, what made me want to fight.

Kathe had seen a big change in me. She was worried at first but then realized what I had gone through; what we had gone through. I had finally my chance at a reprieve, to understand exactly what had occurred and how it was effecting me in my monotonous life. She would ask how I was doing and if I needed to talk, but again, I felt the need to retreat. I told no one of my appointments with Dr. Comhahgen or the pills she gave me. Though, Kathe was becoming more and more suspicious. Which lead me to think that I needed a hobby to keep me out of the house and out of her nesting area.

Which is how I met the gun-toting Hedy. I decided that it was all fine and dandy that I was carrying a gun, but did I know how to use it? The answer was, a resounding no, no I didn't. That frightened me some as the faint shadows in the corner of my eyes quickly developed in the man I once cared for and then quickly feared, understanding now that no unbridled dark intentions left to sour would go unpunished. I knew that my fears would greatly subside once I learned how to defend myself. A crash course in Materia use in the real world did not make me a fighter, I knew that, and I knew that if I wanted to put my gun to good use I needed to find someone worth teaching me. Kathe was pregnant and had no idea I had a gun, I wanted to keep it that way. So the woman who owned the gun store seemed more and more like an attractive option.

Hedy was a woman would care little of the world. She had half her head shaven, as was the current style, and some stylish piercings even I wore at one point in my life. I saw her as the epitome of cool, which is funny to say at my age, I guess. She would sit behind her counter, chewing gum lingering around in her mouth and a gun magazine flipping at her fingers. I walked in and out once or twice before I gathered the nerve to ask for her help.

She looked up, smiled and said, "Gonna finally tell me what you want?"

I was surprised. I figured she had noticed me. I mean, other than maybe one other person in the store, I was the only one setting the bell off at the door. "Sorry," I said breathlessly. "I'm just looking for someone to help me shoot."

She looked back down at her magazine, turned a couple of pages then said, "Got a gun?"

"Yeah." I fished out the gun from my coat and placed it gently on the glass counter.

Her eyebrow tweaked, somewhat interested in the merchandise I placed in front of her. "You know you can't carry a concealed gun."

I doubled back, "What do you mean? Since when?"

She chuckled, "Since the W.R.O. is looking to make some money on this weapon regulation business. We're living in peace times now, sweetie."

Sweetie? Though she said it with little irony, I approached further conversation with intense skepticism. "Well I guess that's all the more reason to get lessons."

"And a licence."

"You serious?" Her face was stone cold, she was entirely serious. "Well if you teach me how to shoot, I can get a licence?"

"Sure," She shrugged. She brought up a calculator. "That's," She looked at me, up and down before looking at her fee schedule taped to one end of the counter, "Twelve lessons at a hundred ten apiece. And two-thousand for the licence fee." She slowly plugged in the numbers.

"Four thousand two hundred." I chimed in. She was not impressed. She saw that it was indeed that amount and held out her hand for her payment. "I have to pay all of it now?"

"Oh, sorry." She went back to the calculator, this time doing it mentally to avoid embarrassment. "That's a 20% deposit, so it's 840 now if you want an appointment now. And then it'll be the full amount before we go for your licence."

"That's fair," I handed her the amount. She held monopoly. Then again, every freaking gun store in any town had their own monopoly. She drew up her PHS and asked me what time was best for me. I asked if she was available same time next week. She smiled and plugged me into her small phone. She asked if I needed a card. I told her I would remember. I would definitely remember my gun school.

She pushed the gun back towards we as I was about to turn and leave. "I thought I needed a licence?"

She shrugged, "Yeah but you'll get it. And I doubt your waving it around."

I knew she meant that I didn't seem like her regular circle of gun-whipping gruffs, nor did I want to seem like one. But something seemed unsettling to me when I grabbed the gun; I wanted to pistol whip her just for good measure. I quickly slipped back into my normalized role and walked out as she told me that she would see me around. Again, a haunting need to assert my strength crept in, I assumed it was the gun as it was the only thing I could see had changed in my life. It offered a sense of power, authority, I never had the ability to assert.

I slipped in through the side door in the kitchen. Kathe and Jofrey were huddled in the living room, I caught a glimpse of them through the front window as I walked around. Something was stewing of the stove, the smelling intoxicating. I was surprise Kathe could cook. She had explained that during her time in the Northern Continent she has learned a great deal of skills, even made a home for her and her ice-locked co-workers, something I had failed to learn. She was making a fantastic wife for Jofrey and would make a wonderful mother, I was certain.

I crept over to the stairs that led up to the rooms but was caught by Jofrey, looking to refill Kathe's bowl of ice cream; the target of her pregnancy cravings. He had heard the door creak and wasn't as taken aback as I thought he would have been. He just looked me up and down, and asked where I had been.

"Some left over paperwork had to be filed," I lied.

He nodded, looking through the freezer. He pulled out the ice cream tub and started to scoop out spoonful after spoonful. "Did you give any thought to that double date?" He asked, completely concentrated on the task at hand.

I sighed, "Tetsu?" He was the poor kid Jofrey was trying to set me up with. "Does he ever know what you're putting him up to?"

Jofrey turned to face be, a spoon in his hand hanging aloft. "He's on the market," He defended, "Both of you need to stop moping around and have fun for once. I think it'll be a great match."

"I'm _not_ interested," I fought back, "Anyways, I won't be bothering you guys anymore. I've got a new… _hobby_."

"Oh yeah," His interest was piqued, "What?"

"None of your business." I took the drippy spoon from his hand and tossed it into the sink.

It was clear that I was beginning to outstay my welcome. They were trying to make this work and I was the annoyance that hung in the background, reminding them of a time they'd both rather forget and move on from. I didn't blame. I was desperately trying the same. But something would try in dragging me back to a point I no longer wished to be. I still would see him. At the bus station, sitting on the bench, his arm folded across his chest. I imagined him in a suit, the one's they made him where at the board meetings that he was forced to attend. The suit seemed to be more appealing to their sensibilities as the board members reported that they did not like him leather clad. Perhaps they did not want to be reminded of its implications and what it smelt like. He looked so commonplace that I would at times pass him, playing little mind to the tricks it would play.

The next day I had an appointment with Dr. Comhahgen. I had explained to her my insecurities to which she surprised me by responding, "Have you consider a place of your own?"

I was so baffled, I remained silent for a moment. She had written a few words, noting perhaps the fact I had never considered it. To which I responded in kind, "I've never considered the possibility."

"Why not?"

I considered her question for a moment. "Well, it's not totally true," I confessed, "It was my sister who was insistent on it."

"Why did you not tell the truth?"

"It's not that I didn't tell the truth," I did not want her to think I was a liar; a compulsive one at that, who would lie even at the most menial of things which was my trademark in the past. "It's that I _really_ never did consider it. I told her that I would find a place shortly after I was escaped, but never did. And then when they moved to Mideel, I threatened to find a place of my own, out in Edge. I could have at that. I had a job offer."

The good doctor smiled, "Why didn't you?"

"I guess I've always been so afraid of being alone. And she really wanted to help me, to make our family work."

She adjusted herself in her seat, leaning forward. That's when I knew she was being frank with me. "You can still have a relationship with her and Jofrey, _and_ have a place of your own. I think that will be healthy for you."

I was skeptical. "You don't think it won't be too much for me?"

She shook her head, "Hardly. I think you need it. You need a chance to develop yourself and a healthy familial relationship, something that I don't think you really had the chance to do. I'm not promising it'll happen all in one shot; but we'll go through it, one piece at a time."

I smiled nervously, looking at the time. The hour hand ended a few minutes ago and the doctor was still chatting about how I found the medication. I anxiously pointed to the clock to which she quickly clammed up, her other patients were waiting just as anxiously as I had want to get out.

I slipped the prescription into my pocket and tore out of her office. I entered the washroom down the hall and locked the door, avoiding any one from coming in as it was a communal washroom. I knelt over the toilet spitting bile that lingered in my esophagus. The very notion of making some life for myself had caused a high amount of anxiety, enough for me to hurl the lunch I had. I walked up to the sink, turn the cold tap on and sprayed my face gently. My hand blindly grabbed at the air, trying to find the paper towels to dry my face. I padded the sweat and cool water warmed by my flushed face, dabbing at my eyes. I looked into the mirror, my eyes focusing on the figure behind me.

I wasn't startled, which I expected to be my normal reaction, but rather I saw him at watched as he watched me. I finished drying my face and tossed the towel in the garbage bin, not moving my eyes from the mirror. He watched me as I bent over to reach the bin, my eyes unmoved, stalking every minor movement with a faint, nearly unreadable curiosity.

"What are you doing here?"

He smirked. "Where else do you expect me to be? I'm _your_ figment."

I turned to see nothing was behind me; a figment indeed. I went to the door, a creeping sense of being watched laying on back and a pressing need to escaped sinking into my stomach again. My hand held fast to the door handle, jiggling the lock to no avail. I panicked slightly, calling out for help. I yanked and pulled, crying as I had done so, but no one could hear me. I walked to the paper towels and grabbed a handful to try at turn the lock, the lock was now made slick with sweat and water. My eyes grazing the mirror, this time his apparition had startled me so much that I dropped the paper in my hands.

"Leave me alone!" I cried.

A hand grasped at my shoulder, ripping me backward. I landed hard into the stall post behind me, his hand adjusting from my shoulder to my neck, his fingers jabbing against my jawline and cupping around to my jugular. I gasped, my arm instinctively drawn up to his chest, pushing as hard as my strength could muster but little did he budge. He chuckled at the gesture, I felt his chest rumble as I went in for another jab with my other hand. Both hands held up against him, trying desperately to stop him from advancing. I closed my eyes, knowing I could only be as safe as I imagined myself to be. But little did it stop from occurring.

I cried out as he pushed up against me, his hand digging deeper into my neck, a raspy sound escaped. His hot chest pressed against the thin fabric of my blouse. I could hear him asking me, whispering into my ear, if I liked it, if this is what I wanted. I shook my head, feeling my neck twist inside his grasp. I pleaded for him to stop, a small snivel leaking out as his hand pushed harder and harder into my trachea. He laughed, telling me that I loved it, that it made me hot, that I couldn't think about sex without violence.

He lifted me slightly off the ground and tossed me to the side, a sickly cracking as I collided with the wall. All the air in my lungs escaped in one fowl swoop and an awful noise slipped out. A hand lifted up to my head feeling nothing by soggy hair. He knelt down to see his handy work, a smile of satisfaction.

His hand extended to grasp my chin gingerly, his face advancing so both our nose touched. "I always knew you kept our little secret to yourself because deep down, you loved it. You wanted more. You needed someone to take control, to possess you."

"You're sick." I drawled out, my jaw slack in his hand.

He smiled, a smile I had seen his Clone display time and time again. "I think you need to redefine sickness, Helena." He dropped my chin and chastely placed a kiss on my forehead, the kind kiss I expected his child form to give. I whimpered as he walked away and my world turned black.

* * *

**A/N****:** Feb 05 - Thanks to Wolfgirl for the awesome review! I'm glad you're liking it!

This chapter mentions a non-con situation and this will continue in intensity. There will be non-con, con and some other sexual tones/scenes. So, it'll pick up as we go along.

Will come back to fix any grammar/spelling issues. If anyone wants to help out, LMK through PM; would love it!


End file.
